Reinventing Myself

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve last posted. Bet my followers thought “that’s it, she’s done, she’s gone and lost it”.

Well, actually, I lost it before I left….(<—that totally makes sense, doesn't it)

Guess I needed time to refocus, regroup, “re-whatever” in order to “get back, get sane(r) and on track”. It wasn’t intentional to be MIA for so long. Things just happened.

This past year has seen many changes. I’ve been to South Africa for about a month, it was fantastic. I’ve travelled here and there, for work, for personal pleasure. My older son has finished school. My other son started a German school at the ripe young age of 16 (<<< more stress). Husband (finally) completed his degree (yay)…There've been changes in the work front. There's been some bad things too – at a point I really could've done without – but that's life, eh. Just kicks you when you're down. I will not dwell on this now, this is fodder for a next post….

I've realised that what I've experienced was not so crazy and out of the ordinary at all. Many women face such challenges, and deal with it. Some deal better than others I guess. I fall in the "other" category :p

Now that I've accepted these challenges as my new reality, I am better, and stronger. Can't beat a good woman, eh? And I've decided – hell, yes – I am superwoman, and I'm bad-ass to boot 🙂

So here I am, back and wanting to reinvent myself. Not become someone else, but become a better me. Be less stressed, freak out less about the stupid things that tend to piss me off so much. Be more patient. Be a better wife and mom.

It’s like asking for the moon, right.

Here goes nothing….

Going Batty?

I have been rather absent. There’s been so much goings-on in my dreary life, that I just couldn’t muster the time to maintain my blog.

In the past few months I’ve had to move house, I’ve gone through a restructuring at work, oldest son has graduated from school, I’ve become a semi-permanent citizen of the EU states. And oh yeah, I’m full on into The Crises.

Through all of this, I have remained calm, controlled, strong, collected. Gone through each and every change methodically, with clear-cut precision. A pillar of reliability.

Super Woman

(please note – no swearing)

And now that all the upheaval is behind me, I should be relieved, stress-free. Relaxed.

Instead, I feel…well, lost. In limbo. Like something is missing. And frustrated. Mad as hell. At no-one in particular. At everyone in general. I think I’m losing my marbles.

Me, Crazy? Nah

I guess after months of being so…held together, keeping everything under control – making sure BH and kids are sorted, cared for, organising the move, the electricians, the painters, the cleaners – I find it a struggle to now adapt to the new situation.

And all of this leads me to have less patience than I normally have. I am less tolerant than I normally am. Which is not much under normal circumstances.

(again – please note the lack of swearing)

Now the vent.

On good days I cannot tolerate people who criticise (anyone/anything) without having a clue. With my newfound battiness, it’s ten times worse. If you expect me to do stuff, and then crit me for not doing it a specific way, or not arranging it for a specific day, then I feel you should shut your big fucking mouth and fucking-well do it yourself.

If you have a better idea, then fucking-well shut up and just do it. Don’t crit me when you are sitting on your fat ass doing fuckall, except stuffing your mouth like a pig and watching TV. Same goes for the little pricks that pass for my kids.

And don’t make conversation just for the sake of talking. Whatever you have to say must be bloodywell useful or interesting, or have the potential to make a difference in my day. If none of the above applies – shut your trap.

I’m sick and tired of being needed, being depended upon. Can’t anyone fuckingwell do anything on their own without involving me in every itty-bitty-shitty detail or decision in their lives?? When do I get to ask for help, huh??? Noooo. Never. It’s bloodywell unheard of.

I’m sick and tired of the pressure. I just want to breathe. I just want to not worry about every fucking thing. I want a normal fucking life, where I can rely on other people for a change. I want someone else to take responsibility and make some decisions for a change.

I’ve had enough of all this shit.

I need a holiday, and I need it bloodywell quickly, before I completely lose all my marbles.

Not Loony

PS: I don’t think I got my point across. I will have to try again next time 😉