… a little bit of this, that and a lot more

I said my next post would be something positive, and lo and behold…this is IT!! Enjoy 😉

I have been naafi (melancholic, off-sorts, upset, insert more negative emotions here) on-off over the past few months. No specific reason. Just some life-changing decisions we’ve had to make, my health issues, my personal issues.

I think I’ve just been a bitch and I need to stop it. Lighten up. Have some fun.

And I started thinking of what I am leaving behind….which alternately makes me sad, but also happy, and proud.

I have been reflecting on our mannerisms and “traditions” that makes us who we are. “Us” being the “Kullids” (Coloured is the PC-word) in South Africa. The little things that make up our “Kultcha” (that’s how we pronounce it), our identity, the way we talk, how we socialize, and township living.

One of the things I remember with a smile on my face is the “groente karretjie” (veggie carts) that used to do the rounds every Sunday – up and down the streets they would go, honking their horns to let us know what they have to sell that day. “Squashees” and “Wortels” (carrots) and “Dhania” (coriander) and “Mammie, ek het Spinach ok vir jou!!” (Miss, I have spinach just for you). These carts were simple & functional – no comfort or speed considered. These guys were life-savers every time. And once they got to know you, you would be guaranteed delivery of your “pakkie” (package) of onions, potatoes – you name it – first thing in the morning. Now that is service.

Groente Karretjie

Groente Karretjie

This picture does not do our groente karretjies justice – it is way too posh! 🙂

Partying is in our nature. We live and breathe for it. We don’t need any occasion to “make it happen”. A simple “kuier” (visit from friends) could turn into a full-fledged “howza” or “gazi” (house party). All it takes is one house, some friends, a cell-phone (to call all the other buddies), some snacks, and lots of “dop” (booze).

I miss those days the most. Here (Germany) you need to make an appointment to see your friends, you cannot party without informing – and getting the OK- from all the neighbours and maybe even the police. Otherwise you may just get into some unwanted trouble. Too much PT if you ask me.



Something else we “Kullids” love doing – sitting in front of our houses and watching everyone drive by. This is called “gesien word” (being seen). This is one way to get a “street bash” started (no need to translate I’m sure). All we need are – grass (or something to sit on – a car will do) and music. We don’t even really need a house. Any strip of grass will do, or any available space where we can “Park” (literally park our cars) and hang out. Oh, did I mention the booze? 😉

Since there are only a few streets where all the “hip-and-happening” people will be cruising on (really, they cruise like in the movies) you are guaranteed to have a good party going within minutes – if you are hip-and-happening, they will stop to say hi…and there you go – party started!!

And don’t forget to dress to the nines. Can’t be seen in public wearing last years’ rags at all. Totally uncool. But of course, you also have to be prepared because…

….From there, we move on to a Disco (also known as a Night Club). For us it was Club Bel Air, or Sewende Laan, or Times4 (not sure if this still exists). Since we chose places which were close-by, we didn’t have to drive far. We could walk. And if you didn’t have a lift, well, there were plenty who would give you one. Our Disco’s catered for our musical needs and style, i.e. no rave or techno. Only house beats, R&B, Hip Hop. Real music 😉

And of course, on Monday, no one would be in the office. Everyone would be sick. “Ek voel nie lekker nie” (I don’t feel well) was the excuse for Monday morning absences. Naturally, after a while the bosses became aware of what exactly that meant (Hang-overs galore) – which meant the fella’s needed to be more careful with the Sunday night parties.

On a long-weekend, we would go to the club for a “16Hour” – we call it that since the disco would end only when the sun came up. For us this was a big deal. If you were not in the “16Hour” you were totally un-cool. Everyone was there, everyone was seen. And your “kit” (what you wore), who you danced with, how you danced, who you hooked up with would be the topic of conversation for the next weeks to come.

And that’s just some things that makes the Coloureds so….ja, colourful. The speech, the mannerisms, the music, the openness, their love of booze and parties.

Boy, I miss it.


Quirky Age

It seems like all I am doing is posting when I am frustrated. This will change. With my next post I promise 😉

I’ve told you before that I am going though the Crises (midlife and menopause). I find that I experience so many different emotions – sometimes in the span of a few seconds – leaving me feeling dizzy and not quite as “in control” as I like to be.

One minute I love my husband to the moon and back, and the next I just want to kick him to the moon and back. He is a wonderful, caring man, has a heart of gold. And he puts up with all my shit. What more can I ask for?

Give me strength!

Give me strength!

But I am. I want the guy that I married 19 years ago, back.

I have a question to everyone who have been married for 20 years or longer….How on earth do you do it?

OK, I lied. I have MANY questions.

How do you stay married for 20 years and more, and not feel like you sometimes could happily strangle the guy? How do you keep the magic? Is the guy you married still the same, or has he changed much more than you anticipated?

How do you stay in love with someone that long? How do you not fall “out” of love? What does it take to stay physically attracted to each other? Just…HOW????

Don’t tell me about love and loyalty, and date-nights and what-not. Because once date night is over, you come home with the same guy, with the same shitty habits. I want something I can work with, not fairy tales.

And before you start throwing daggers – I know we all go through changes, our bodies change, we grow hair in inappropriate places. Everything that was perky and pretty is now…less perky and pretty (matured we call it ;-))

And we get used to all those changes, we become comfortable with it. But he’s changed way beyond what I can cope with right now.

His mission

His mission

He eats like every meal might be his last. When he eats, it’s such a racket, I swear you can hear him from a mile away. And the food is all over his face. I mean really?! Using a knife and fork is a challenge – there’s more food around the plate than in the plate.

He is constantly in the kitchen – eating sweets, or cookies or something. It seems like he is scared he will die if his mouth is not moving.

And his tongue lolls. Like a dog’s. I swear, I am not making this up.

When we watch movies, his mouth moves as if he’s repeating the actor’s lines.

Even his laugh has changed. He laughs like a deranged person. We are too scared to go to the movies because you can hear him above all else.

The kids are embarrassed by him.

I cannot say when exactly all this started, but I noticed.

It is driving me C R A Z Y.

And because of this he has become so un-sexy, that I can’t get it up anymore. I’m totally off it. I am running out of excuses already! Granted, there might be other reasons for this (such as my M&M’s) but I dunno….surely I should be happy for any sex I get at this age, seeing that I might not be able to get it up without some help in the near future, right?

Is all of this attributable to the M&M’s – my crises? Is this all just me being a shitty person? I am really hating myself for thinking all of this and for being such a mean person.

So what now, I ask you?? Shall I tell him? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He already thinks I am a shrew, so can you imagine what he will call me after this? Anyway, the boys have already – on numerous occasions – told him about this, but he ignores it.

Is this normal? Has your guy also changed like this?

Am I just full of shit???



I often get so fixated on what’s going wrong in my life – what I don’t like and what I don’t want, what’s missing in my life. This is a great reminder that it’s not always just about me…and that I sometimes really need to stop and “smell the roses”.

Give me 5 minutes a day and I'll give you a happier, more successful life


 “I will be faithful with the talent, time, and opportunity God has given me.02a14

 I realize that when I make the most of what I have, God will multiply it and give me more.” ~Victoria Osteen

I will fill my thoughts with things I love and like, because that not only makes me stronger, more loveable it also makes me happier. Thinking about things I don’t love (worry, anger, lack of forgiveness, fear) only make me weaker and bring more bad things into my life.

I will live my life doing the very best I can today, because I know my thoughts and attitudes shape my actions and my actions determine my destiny.

I will spend time helping people around me, my friends, co-workers, loved ones, because I know a person always reaps what they sow, if they reap good things, they will sow good things.

I will do my…

View original post 133 more words


Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you were reacting completely opposite to who you really are? Like totally contradictory to your nature? Have you ever wondered if it’s really true that people only bring out either the best or worst in you?

No? Me neither.

Now I know this might seem like it’s gonna turn out to be an immensely cerebral and interesting post. Alas. I have to surprise you. It’s not

This is a vent post. Be warned. Don’t look for logic or clarity of speech.

I was pissed off because husband didn’t have the food ready at 18:00. Like I asked him so nicely to do. I’d had a really kak day at work – demanding customers and childish team mates just completely drained me. And because of back to back meetings, I never got a bite to eat. Now remember – I am not well (no comments about my mental condition please!!) physically so I need to be fed properly. So by the time I got home I was practically expiring from malnutrition and dehydration, and looking really forward to a warm plate of food. But there wasn’t any (did you catch that exaggeration?)

And I sulked. I didn’t do the adult thing and throw a tantrum. No. I just kept quiet and sulked. Maybe that in itself is throwing a tantrum.

While I was sulking I was having great arguments with him. In my head. “How disappointed I am. How it pisses me off that he gets to sit around watching TV, doing whatever he wants all day – I would love that luxury. That he can’t do just one thing I ask for. That he should take better care of me as the breadwinner. That he has his job and I have my job and we need to do what we need to do” and all such grown up stuff.

I just kept this all to myself. Because it’s sort of obvious to me, and it should be to him. Why should we even be having such a discussion?

Am I being selfish and unreasonable?

My boss expects me to perform – I expect the same from him (him = hubby, in case you were lost). Is that too much to ask? Am I selfish? Should I leave him to do just do what he wants, when he wants, and if he doesn’t feel like it, just ignore it like the elephant in the room?

Sometimes I am selfish and unreasonable. But sometimes I actually believe I am not – that what I expect is just the same as the next guy who’s wife is a stay-at-home parent: a clean house, clean clothes, food when I come from work (and not flippen at 09:00pm!!!) a glass of wine at the ready and the kids needs taken care of.

Is that really too much to ask?

I guess I didn’t win the Liebster Award, eh? Who did?? Well done to the lucky recipient!!

Now back to me

To make New Year’s Resolutions. Or not?

I have not made any in 3 years. Here’s proof. It wasn’t a conscious decision not to. I just sort of stopped. Without realizing it.

When people recently started asking me what mine were for 2013 I was blank. Like I never heard of this phenomenon before.

My second reaction was “Nah, not making any”. It’s a waste of time. You don’t keep them anyway.  Or you forget them. Or hope everyone else forgets them.

Spoke to Better Half who promptly nullified my arguments against – you HAVE to make some personal goals, otherwise you will never evolve. Yep, he actually  used that word. I was suitably impressed.

But again I thought – why wait for a new year to buckle down and make some changes?

Reasons not to make NY's resolutions

Reasons not to make NY’s resolutions

And that is probably the real reason why I just stopped. I didn’t want to be a cliché  nor did I want to wait until a new year had dawned to make personal changes.  I do this daily, weekly, monthly. Depending on the need.

For example – last year I decided to lose some excess baggage (i.e. weight) and I set a goal, defined a plan to reach it, and I did. Of course (like any other woman I know) –  this was on the resolution list ever since I can remember, but even this fell off coz’ I got tired of putting it on the list and not achieving it. An embarrassing reminder, you know?

I also promised myself to read more, and I did. I decided to commence my language lessons again – and after waffling for months on end, I finally did.

Point is – I am not dependent on a new year to make changes. And I rather like that.

I do have long-term goals though, and these I will be putting into action this year – like getting my honors, or starting a new page in my career. Or even switching careers. But I need time to figure it out first (forever the planner, forever in control)

So no, I will not make any resolutions for this year. I will continue doing what I do. Go with the flow. Change / adapt as needed. Grow as  the situation requires.  I rather like being flexible in that way.

Who doesn’t like new cheese? 😉

A Happy New Year to you. And may all your wishes and dreams be fulfilled.

Well. Thanks to Dadgitated (who nominated me for the Liebster award) I am doing my second post in one week. This is a record, seeing that I have only been able to muster 1 post every other week or so. Oh, the pressure……


Let me just be clear. I do not do things like this – I like to be incognito, fly under the radar, yadayada, because then it means I have no pressure to perform (you will also notice this from the amateurish way I am doing this particular post).

But, I have never been nominated for anything. Ever. This will be a first for me. And because (like any other woman) I respond to flattery, I have decided to do this. So in short: thanks Dadgitated!!!

So what am I supposed to do….first I should post eleven random facts about myself :

  1. I don’t like drawing attention to myself
  2. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up where I am today
  3. I wish I had better hair
  4. As a teenager I prayed every night for many moons that God would make me at least 10 cm’s taller. By the age of 22 I realized it was not going to happen.
  5. I believe in luck, but not coincidences. There is a reason why things happen.
  6. I wish I was funnier, maybe I would have more friends
  7. I’ve always wanted to be an actor – to follow in my father’s footsteps. But soon realized I had to write my own script
  8. I believe there IS intelligent life out there
  9. I am running out of things to say. Can you tell? I’ve never had a great imagination
  10. I don’t understand the fuss about big boobs – I have them and they are just a schlep.
  11. I am capable of killing a cactus. Put that in your pipe and smoke it

Once I have managed to complete this first hurdle, I have to answer the 11 questions posed by the person who nominated me. Here goes:

  1. What’s your favorite dish? Prawn curry with roti
  2. If you could be any animal for a day what would it be and why? Cougar. Power, speed, beauty, young men.
  3. What made you want to start blogging? I needed somewhere to express my crazy feelings and ideas without being judged
  4. What will be your weapon of choice be in the up coming zombie apocalypse? Sword. I love that random swishing & shwooshing & chopping stuff. And I like Conan the Barbarian, see?
  5. If you fly fish what’s your favorite fly and if you don’t fly fish (or fish at all) why?  I don’t have the patience to stand around and wait for things to bite
  6. What’s your favorite body of water? The Indian Ocean
  7. What Star Wars character would you be? Darth Vader. Duh.
  8. Dog, cat or other? Other
  9. Fill in the blank- Your momma so dumb…. she forgot she gave birth to you (I told you I wasn’t creative)
  10. If you had to lose one of your five senses which one would it be? Wow, this is a bummer, unlike other people, I cannot live without any of these. Taste I guess.
  11. If you could meet any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be? Bill Clinton

Then off to the next hurdle – nominate 11 other bloggers for this award. Boy, was this tough – since I have not been so active, it took me an hour to find blogs to nominate. Thanks again Dadgitated for making me work so hard on a Saturday

I apologise for only having 7, but hell, what is a girl supposed to do when she’s not getting around the way she should?

The blogs I have nominated for this award:

  1. MindaWebber
  2. Unfiltered
  3. Arabb Geek
  4. Virulent Probity
  5. Lazy & Ambitious
  6. Rochelle Suri
  7. FootsyinSpain

Now, for the grand finale — tadah!!

These guys have to answer 11 questions of my choosing.  I really put (some) time and effort into this, as I didn’t want to ask you what everyone else was asking out there (I have to be different, see?):

  1. Boobs or bums?
  2. If you could be anything in this life, what would it be?
  3. Which actor inspires you and why?
  4. Do you think you are funny?
  5. Is it important for you to win awards?
  6. Do you believe in reincarnation?
  7. Even if you didn’t (points at 7), what would you want to come back as?
  8. Do you believe in true love?
  9. Have you ever committed a crime?
  10. Would you ever want to write a memoir about your life?
  11. Are you in menopause? (if yes, pls inbox me for tips)

Have fun!!! 🙂

New Cheese?

Well, have I been busy, eh?

Let me tell you what progress has been made in the last month (since my last post, that is)….




Yup, NOTHING. Zip. Still at point …..GOING NOWHERE SLOWLY!!!!

I thought South Africa was the third world country. Turns out Germany has its own issues. Like, moving ON and being FAST

Do I sound angry? I really am not. I am so chill, nothing can faze me at the moment.  Que sera sera….


Oh, I did catch a cold from a stupid colleague who thought it grand to go into work when sick. Are people really that stupid? She is blonde…..Nevermind, that was a stupid question. And because I don’t do anything half-assed, mine morphed into bronchitis. I am so chuffed with her.

And no, this is not another vent post. Actually I came to share something with you

What I wanted to tell you is this…..I have the possibility of staying here, in Germany, permanently. I have been asked if I was interested, and I said..er…well….ye-eesssss.


Thought not

Here’s the thing – the weather is really kak (I don’t have to translate that word, right?). Making friends is difficult. SJP was more successful getting laid in SATC than I am in making friends. Which is really bad, come to think of it. It’s easier getting a man into your bed than making friends?! Wow. Am I sad.

The family is over there. In South Africa. Stay with me now. Ja, that same family who miss me so much my phone is ringing off the hook from all the phone calls to speak to me (NOT). As for the emails, I just cannot keep up. Did you note the sarcasm at all? Just checking…

And the friends are over there too. Yep, the ones who were beating down my door practically every week to have a glass or ten. When I was there. Out of sight….(sighs dramatically)

Husband wanted to go back, but he is ready to anchor himself if we (me and the boys) decide we want to stay. Guess who wants to stay? Yep, the boys. And I don’t blame them. The education (in South Africa – still with me???) is up to shit, the economy is up to even bigger shit. As for the Government…there is no container big enough for the shit brewing there.

So, what to do what to do…..

I have spoken to many people from back home (obviously not the Dad, brothers, sister, nor friends). Hell am I sad or what???? Ok, let me re-phrase that – I have spoken to colleagues, acquaintances and my cousins.

They are all saying the same thing – STAY. For the same reasons I mentioned above. And that husband may not be able to secure a job when we get back. Apparently the EE act is being revised. No chance for non-black ppl like us.

Honestly, except for the lack of friendships, and missing my crazy family, I like it here. I have adapted. I have become very comfortable with not having to lock my doors at night, not having an alarm, being able to ride a bicycle when I want. Going out at night without worrying about getting home in one piece. Not worrying about my kids’ safety and their future. The active lifestyle.

There are some things about the Germans that do grate the nerves, but those are things I can live with.

Will we be able to really integrate if we decide to stay? Hell yes! Will the Germans ever accept us as one of “their own”? Probably not. Can I live with that? Probably yes.

New cheese? No biggie. Just the next ten or so years that must be decided in the next weeks. I have a very good idea what I should do….for me and my boys.

If you were in a similar position, what would your decision be?

The Zeit

Your Body, Energy and Mind Blog

Caroline Criado-Perez

A Pox on the Patriarchy

Granny Smith: Unleashed

Observations and random thoughts from a "not so teenager."

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

Something Like a Storybook

from Morgan Bradham

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

Abby Has Issues

I have issues. So do you.

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.