… a little bit of this, that and a lot more

 

….. is how this blog started. In a state of confusion. At the time, “discombobulated” was the first thought (literally) that came to my mind when I was searching for a name. Apt, huh? Yep, still is

 

And this is how I feel now. Hell, this is how I feel many a time. Just when I think I have things in order, under control (just the way I like it) it’s not. I wish I could control every aspect of my life, even of those around me. But I know I can’t. I’m not God, and no one is meant to have that power anyway. We’d all be walking clones if we had the power, right?

 

There is so much going through my mind, its making me positively dizzy. And nostalgic. And happy. And and and…

 

My niece turned 16 yesterday. I will not be here to wish her (in person) happy birthday next year. She’s gorgeous

 

Things with me and the sole living parent is fucked up – he still hasn’t bothered to call. When he picks up the children it’s like a scene from a skop-skiet-en-donner movie – he’s lurking around the corner waiting for them, not wanting to be seen. Not wanting to see me. Mature, huh?

 

Friends and family (actually ONE friend and my sister) insists I should fix things before I leave next week. I say the time for fixing stuff is long gone. I am tired of being his and every one else’s vloerlap. Tot hier toe en nie verder nie. Anyway, I have nothing to apologise for, what I said was true and not at all disrespectful (I didn’t swear once, you see) 

 

I haven’t spoken to my OB in over 16 months. He knows I’m leaving. Hell, the whole Poort knows I’m leaving. He’s never even bothered to sms, call or NUFFINK. Hy kan maar ook gaan jump. Bye bye, Boet, hope your life is all you dreamed it would be

 

My boetie seems to think I’m still in the habit of jumping when he (or anyone else, for that matter) snaps his fingers. Told me I should get an attitude adjustment. Huh-uh, boetie, this is me – you don’t like it, follow your OB….but I hope to see you before I leave….

 

My friends. I have made some surprising and lasting connections. Forged deep friendships that I never could have anticipated. And I did my bit for society by befriending some WEE people (they know who they are) Juju beter pasop vir hulle…they are ROF!!!

 

My mom. All I have are my memories. 7 years now, and still it is tough. Some days are good. Some not so. There’s been more of the latter over the past few weeks….she is probably the only one who could have convinced me to stay here. No one else held that power. She was (still is in my mind & heart) one spanky and special lady. And I know she would never have allowed things to deteriorate as they have…. maar nou ja, that’s life, neh? Hands you lemons, so you make mojito’s with it.

 

I wish things could have been different. I wish I could leave here knowing I have no regrets. But that’s a myth. There’s always regrets. We just learn to deal with it. And if we can’t, well, there’s always frontal lobotomies, right?

 

Some things can be faced head on. Some things can be resolved. But, face them before the point of no return. After this….leave it be, if it does not resolve itself…have the lobotomy  😉

 

I have reached that point with many a relationship. There are times I wished things were different – but not anymore, I am at peace with the ones that have fallen by wayside. I hope I will feel the same when I get on that plane. But decisions have been made. There is no looking back anymore

 

The future lies ahead. Those who have touched my life will always have a place in my heart (soppy I know, gimme a break ok?) Those who have crossed me…well, you know where you stand, no doubt about it?!

 

For now, I will live my life to please myself, my children and my husband, and the few who accept me as I am.

 

D

 

 

Phew – this is my longest post in FOREVER…!

 

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Comments on: "Discombobulated…." (21)

  1. bronnie.l said:

    jsut hope you don’t regret later that all you and OB have are older memories… :)goodluck on the moveso move already!

  2. Killakat said:

    Shame on you!! lol

  3. Sundancer said:

    You go girl and just remember it is their loss if they choose to be like that and not yours.

  4. Killakat said:

    Dankie Kimme!

  5. davidsdance said:

    As long my friend as you know you did the best you could and what you had to, live with no regrets. Kannie glo dis amper tyd vir jou om te vlieg nie – a new adventure lies ahead my dear friend!! xxx

  6. foot loose said:

    Just a thought re OB and sole parent. Be the grownup? Send a card, an email? Then, should,um anything happen, you are in the clear. Guilt is shitty to live with…

  7. kat64 said:

    You WILL blog from time to time, hey? Sometimes you have to just move on (and up) and leave some people behind.

  8. magda meyer said:

    That`s right Dizzy don`t take any crab, there eyes will open eventually.

  9. DjinnDeamon said:

    Eish neh, jy laat nie feel nie gese nie, ek will net dankie se dat jy so mooi van my praat en my so baie gaan mis 😉 ek gaan jou ook mis maar net omdat jy trek beteken nie jy kan nie blog nie, en as dinge ook goed/sleg gaan trek ek Nederland toe vollgende jaar op die Duitse grens….

  10. linniezx10 said:

    *Takes a bow at the special mention* I just wish I met you sooner. Ok, mushy moment over!!Don’t be late on Monday ne!!

  11. zitaatterbury said:

    Future belongs to you 🙂

  12. Mahesi said:

    Hi there Dizz, Hehe! who collects them kids hiding around the corner? can only imagine!Live your life the way you see fit Dizz, otherwise you will go bananas trying to please everyone.Much love dear one ;-)(Will let you know on friday when is the delivery date ;-))

  13. DjinnDeamon said:

    Bestaan my maaitjie nog?

  14. Cat_Woman said:

    The future is yours to grab firmly in both hands….

  15. pinkpolkadot said:

    Hang in…hugs!!!

  16. linniezx10 said:

    Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday Honey Pie. Hope you are getting spoilt rotten doer in die veeeeeerte.Miss and luvs ya millionsxxx

  17. pinkpolkadot said:

    I am missing you!!

  18. PaulNicholas said:

    hey you, those are the right people to please.

  19. avryl said:

    Hey Babes, you still around…

  20. bibibapka said:

    But you can still blog raaaight?

  21. Moonz said:

    Catching up Dizzy gillespie… and this one makes me cry. :(Love you and miss you more than you can imagine. xxx and hugs

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