… a little bit of this, that and a lot more

This challenge was issued by Colonialist

Relationships are probably the most complex and fascinating aspects of the human experience. It will be most intriguing to see how many people have the courage, honesty and insight to respond to the following:

I thought it was about time that I told you a little bit more about me. Don’t cringe…;-)

1(A) What qualities in your relationship or marriage partner/s did you like most when falling in love with them?

Looks. Sportsmanship. Humour, sensitivity, compassion, shyness. Intelligence. Drive. Ambition. Made me feel like I was worth something. He “got” me and my problems.

1(B) What qualities in you do you think were most admired (no false modesty, please)?

Humour, intelligence, attitude, compassion, friendliness, passion, ambition. Looks? I had some, back then (haha).

2(A) Were there any qualities in them you didn’t like from the start?

Secretiveness. He was too relaxed and laid back.

2(B) Any qualities in you they probably disliked from the start?

Temper. Swearing.

3(A) What qualities in them did you come to dislike?

Stubbornness. Extreme narcissism. Procrastination. Not paying attention. Putting friends above us. Valuing other’s opinions more than mine

3(B) What qualities in you came to be disliked?

The swearing. The temper. Being overly critical. Being uncommunicative. Dependency on him.

4 Which of those qualities caused your worst arguments / breakup / separation / divorce?

(A) In them. All of 3(A)

(B) In you. When I stopped caring.

5 (A) What percentage blame on you do you think they would place? 20%

   (B) What percentage blame on them would you place? 80%

6. How many qualities listed under 1 above remained constant, and what were the biggest changes that took place in

   (A) Them.

The looks stayed more or less the same. He’s still shy, compassionate, witty. No longer a sportsman. Lost his ambition and drive. He changed (mostly) for the better.

   (B) You.

Physical – changed a bit (hell, you change after two kids, you know?!) Wit, etc still more or less the same. Have more drive. More outspoken and independent.

7. (A) What time elapsed before the relationship reached crisis point?

Year 7

(B) Did it survive?


8, What was the major cause of final breakdown or survival from:

(A)    Their point of view.

I fell in love with someone else. He woke up, smelt the coffee and changed his priorities.

(B) Your point of view.

The breakdown came after my mother passed away. I realised that life was precious, no use clinging to dead wood. Why it survived –  he convinced me he’d changed and that we (me & kids) were indeed what he wanted. Also, I refused to accept that my marriage was a failure.

9. Did you learn from the experience, and did that learning help you in any way?

So much – respect each other (feelings, space, opinions) first and foremost. You both are individuals – you need your space, within reason. You need to be happy with yourself, by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. Insecurities and secrets can ruin you and your relationship. Don’t expect anyone to make you happy. Commitment – to me – is even more important than love. Don’t ever put all your faith and trust in one person.  You cannot ever change another person. Communication, communication, communication. If there’s no trust…..

10. (Added at the suggestion of Dare2Dream)  Number of years together/married:

Together 21 years – 6 yrs dating/15 years married.

Phew. Now I’m drained


Comments on: "Colonialists Relationship Challenge" (30)

  1. kevinmatthews said:


  2. JournoJen said:

    Wow this has really inspired me! It’s good to know you fought for your marriage where so many others just opted for divorce ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. hemmingway said:

    wow… and now I have hope…

  4. davidsdance said:

    Done mine -happy you worked your problems out!

  5. Colonialist said:

    Wow! Credit to both of you! It is interesting indeed to see how many men seem to put friends etc above partner/home.

  6. JoDay said:

    Fascinating stuff, Dizzy! Thanks for being willing to share all that! x

  7. DjinnDeamon said:

    Very well done, very honest. 100% ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. bronnie.l said:

    wow 21 years…

  9. algoabay said:


  10. snowdon said:

    WOW… 21 years! And I’m proud of my two months ๐Ÿ˜‰ Glad that you guys managed to sort everything out :)Thanks for the visit! Fx

  11. Killakat said:

    I often wondered if it’s not the age, though. But then I realised its the maturity and what they honestly want from life and their relationships

  12. Killakat said:

    Thanks Kimme, it wasn’t easy…but it’s been in the pipeline…for a few months now! lol Col gave me the courage to share

  13. Killakat said:

    Some broken service there, though!Fuck, it’s a bloody lifetime! lol

  14. Killakat said:

    I’m just glad you’re OK Figgsy…and still with the “should-I-should-I-not” guy? Excellent!!

  15. Killakat said:

    Do I make it sound WOW? I left his ass for over twelve months, hey? It was seriously kak…but yes, we made it xxx

  16. Killakat said:

    Yip, promised myself that this would be one sphere where i would keep it “real” xxx

  17. Killakat said:

    My comment to you went AWOL….It was tough doing the post, but there’s no point in only revealing all the good….who I am contains bietjie van als, and I had to share thatxxx

  18. Killakat said:

    I was probably too stubborn to admit defeat! lol

  19. Killakat said:

    Thanks Cinxxx

  20. Killakat said:

    If I can help one woman find her way…I’m happyxxx

  21. DjinnDeamon said:

    ouch ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. Killakat said:

    Yes, H, there’s always hope, but you must be honest with yourself first before anything else….I hope….(((HUGS)))

  23. Killakat said:

    JJ, we certainly headed that way, but he refused to “call it quits”. I’d left him, but after a while…we started talking againโ€ฆand well, that was four years agoโ€ฆxxx

  24. Same shit different day said:

    A very honest post Diz – well done you ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  25. Moonz said:

    I am not worthy! LOL Seriously after reading yours, I’ve decided not to do it – it will kill me – I’d be drained for a week. After 37 years of marriage, I’m asking myself why the hell I punish myself… still. I applaud you doll… hugely! xxx

  26. Killakat said:


  27. Killakat said:

    I should’ve been “vrou van staal”! lol

  28. Killakat said:

    lol! I totally understand! (((HUGS)))

  29. Mahesi said:

    Tripple Wow! Thanks for sharing, I had to LOL that swearing featured twice!

  30. linniezx10 said:

    Sjoe Dizzy, you deserve a medal!

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