This challenge was issued by Colonialist –
Relationships are probably the most complex and fascinating aspects of the human experience. It will be most intriguing to see how many people have the courage, honesty and insight to respond to the following:
I thought it was about time that I told you a little bit more about me. Don’t cringe…;-)
1(A) What qualities in your relationship or marriage partner/s did you like most when falling in love with them?
Looks. Sportsmanship. Humour, sensitivity, compassion, shyness. Intelligence. Drive. Ambition. Made me feel like I was worth something. He “got” me and my problems.
1(B) What qualities in you do you think were most admired (no false modesty, please)?
Humour, intelligence, attitude, compassion, friendliness, passion, ambition. Looks? I had some, back then (haha).
2(A) Were there any qualities in them you didn’t like from the start?
Secretiveness. He was too relaxed and laid back.
2(B) Any qualities in you they probably disliked from the start?
3(A) What qualities in them did you come to dislike?
Stubbornness. Extreme narcissism. Procrastination. Not paying attention. Putting friends above us. Valuing other’s opinions more than mine
3(B) What qualities in you came to be disliked?
The swearing. The temper. Being overly critical. Being uncommunicative. Dependency on him.
4 Which of those qualities caused your worst arguments / breakup / separation / divorce?
(A) In them. All of 3(A)
(B) In you. When I stopped caring.
5 (A) What percentage blame on you do you think they would place? 20%
(B) What percentage blame on them would you place? 80%
6. How many qualities listed under 1 above remained constant, and what were the biggest changes that took place in
The looks stayed more or less the same. He’s still shy, compassionate, witty. No longer a sportsman. Lost his ambition and drive. He changed (mostly) for the better.
Physical – changed a bit (hell, you change after two kids, you know?!) Wit, etc still more or less the same. Have more drive. More outspoken and independent.
7. (A) What time elapsed before the relationship reached crisis point?
(B) Did it survive?
8, What was the major cause of final breakdown or survival from:
(A) Their point of view.
I fell in love with someone else. He woke up, smelt the coffee and changed his priorities.
(B) Your point of view.
The breakdown came after my mother passed away. I realised that life was precious, no use clinging to dead wood. Why it survived – he convinced me he’d changed and that we (me & kids) were indeed what he wanted. Also, I refused to accept that my marriage was a failure.
9. Did you learn from the experience, and did that learning help you in any way?
So much – respect each other (feelings, space, opinions) first and foremost. You both are individuals – you need your space, within reason. You need to be happy with yourself, by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. Insecurities and secrets can ruin you and your relationship. Don’t expect anyone to make you happy. Commitment – to me – is even more important than love. Don’t ever put all your faith and trust in one person. You cannot ever change another person. Communication, communication, communication. If there’s no trust…..
10. (Added at the suggestion of Dare2Dream) Number of years together/married:
Together 21 years – 6 yrs dating/15 years married.
Phew. Now I’m drained