I was unsure how to actually write this. In the past or present tense. But decided to write it exactly as I feel or see it, maybe it makes sense to you. Hell, I hope it makes sense, coz’ I need your opinion!
I had this friend – the Career Woman (CW for short) – yonks ago, to read more about her, you can go here
I’ve known her for over 32 years. I considered her one of my BFF. Almost like the sister I never had. Okay, I had a sister, but didn’t know about her until …okay, that’s another story!
She helped me through some really kak times, she clung to our frienship even after I got married and threw all my friends to the dogs. I confided in her, and really trusted her. I thought she had my back as I had hers. Things happened. She betrayed me. I don’t deal well with betrayal of any sort. Also, there were elements in her personality that I found offensive and difficult to stomach any further.
Since that betrayal, it was never the same. I decided to write her off. Cut her from my life. No meaningful contact with her in over 2 years. I didn’t end it directly. Just stopped calling.
She loved my boys. She treated them like they were hers. It was a difficult decision. But I hated who I was when around her.
A few months ago someone (gossipmongers!) phoned me to tell me that she was expecting a baby, did I know about it? Did I know who the father was (CW’s not married)? Yadayadayada. Of course I didn’t. I think that woman knew from my tone of voice she was threading on thin ice!
So she was pregnant. I was astounded, but also very excited for her. She really is a wonderful person. If you ignore the kak personality traits!
Then we met up. By accident. It was quite funny how. I won’t go into that. She told me about her pregnancy and everything else that’s happened with her in the past years. And that she would love to re-connect and pick up the friendship. That was in February.
I am still hesitant. I am not the person she knew anymore. She probably isn’t the same person I knew back then. The personality – well, that’s still more or less the same!!
I don’t want to put myself out there again only to go through the same crap. I know everyone changes, and no-one’s perfect, but your fundamentals stay the same, right? And a kak personality doesn’t go away, right?
She’s had her baby. The most beautiful baby girl (I sleuthed on FB! Lol). Boo asked me when I was going to visit. I couldn’t answer him. I asked him to stop pressuring me!
I realise that this is a mental barrier that I need to breach. I need to decide. Do I really want this or not? It’s not fair blowing hot then cold.
If I do this, do I have to confront the past? Can I not just leave the baggage behind and move on?
Why can’t life just be easy, huh? And why am I over analyzing? AGAIN? lol
Hope you guys have an awesome one!
xxxx
Heya! Welcome to my madness. My blog name should make it obvious, but just in case...I am a spontaneous blogger, and will blog about anything that comes to mind at the time. I like to vent, I like to share, I like to cuss, I like to meet new people, and expand my little world. I am bloggin incognito...because I can. I hope to meet like-minded people on here.
Ramblings of a Madwoman 
Comments on: "Dilemma" (41)
Hey Diz,I say leave things the way they are – there are reason why you chose not to see her in the first place. Whether or not she’s still the same or is a better person is irrelevant. The friendship will never be the same and you’re both getting on perfectly well now, why change that??That’s just my opinion…Have a good one 🙂
sometimes you have to walk away. its not easy, i know, I KNOW! it happened to me this year. but often, its the best.
*hugs**lets dizzy touch his abs*;p
If you cannot love her unconditionally, then rather let sleeping dogs lie.Similar thing happened between me and an ex BFF whom I cut loose after she embarrassed me at my engagement party to Daughter’s dad (that long ago!)She contacted me recently on FB. I replied a bit late-ish, and got scalded, falsely accused, etc, just like before. So actually nothing’s changed. She’s still the opinionated, inconsiderate, selfish bitch I cut loose all those years ago. And so I left it. Didn’t reply to her last message. Months ago now – maybe even a year or so.Just my experience / opinion. 🙂
🙂
Tricky one. I have a friend I hate (I get the contradiction – trust me), and I grin and bear it.
Dizzy, let the baggage go chick…remember the secret to life is a short memory and a good medical aid!!!…I had a similar experience, met up with the lady.. all good…and decided that I still did not quite want to get as close again…so we still email and text and go on the odd outing, but we will never be that close again…connect with her again that way you can leave the baggage and know that whatever happens it will be a fresh perspective on the relationship and no hard feelings…plus it would be lovely to see her baby…:)
Hi Niels, thanks for visiting. Some of my other friends think so too..
You are right. I do miss what we had and wish it could be like that again, but there’s no going back. I’m not sure ….HELP?! lol
How did you get to be so wise? ;)So we can be friends but not necessarily BFF’s? Hmmm
*sigh* I just wish she’d just let it be! 😉
*drool, slobber*You just made my day!! lol
i try 🙂
Hey Jo, Im not sure if I can ever love anyone but my kids unconditionally. Is it possible?Yes, I do love her, but don’t need all the PT that comes with having her in my life. Similar to what you experienced with your ex-BF! Maybe I should try it (assuage my conscience) see where it leads and if it don’t work this time….xxx
Staying mum on this one, eh? lol
lol! You must really love that friend 😉 I hear you. Thanks. xxx
MWAH!!And I don’t dish them out too often, okay? 😉
lol @ your secrets to life!!I think that might just be the way to go. Let bygones be bygones…Thanks so much!!
I close a window on friendship if I feel I’m loosing out or have to compromise. If in doubt, don’t! As you say, you have moved on and is a changed person. Be true to yourself and good luck….life is a bitch!:-)
I agree with Madmom – I’m a “once bitten, twice shy” kind of girl – a splendid weekend to you dearest Dizzy 🙂 xx
Bury the hatchet but close to hand and remember where you buried it! 🙂
Well that horse has bolted! I called her to congratulate her, now she wants to come over. Eeeck! lol
Me too, Wildy, me too….xxxx
lol!
Hi Dizz, I really hate being bearer of bad news, haha!I am not paranoid or pessimistic i just happen to know how it goes.This happened to me and probably i blogged about it. we gotten back together with the gf after the betrayal thing and the relationship just faded on its own, the spark was gone. Save yourself the trouble and just love her and leave her. remain on speaking terms and leave it like that.Have a great weekend Dizzy 😉
I hate friends. consequently I have none
Dizzy I believe that friends come into our lives for different reasons and different seasons. Very few will remain for a lifetime. Many years ago my bgf from school days dropped me at a time when I really needed the support of someone who knew my background and it hurt like crazy. To this day I don’t know why but suspect that her husband may have had something to do with it as I don’t think he liked us very much, certainly did not make us feel welcome in their home. I would not put too much effort into this relationship if I was you, if its meant to be you’ll soon know.
What you are saying makes sense. It doesn’t have to get all heavy again, does it? xxxx
Straight and to the point as always!! Love that bout you!
I think you may just be right. Thanks!
🙂 Thanks M!!
Keep the distance. I don’t deal with betrayal well.
Dizzy I agree with optout…just be careful hon *hugs*
Ow, not an easy decision. Good luck Babe!!! I would probably be a bitch and cut her out as I don’t deal well with betrayal…
ohhh hard one. I think you will bring the baggage with you without meaning to. but it would be good to live a life without hate. (what do I know? I had a fight on skype the other day – who would want to argue with lil old me?)
Does she make you happy or sad? Do you enjoy being around her? Does she make you feel positive or negative? … you will know Diz… and sometimes we must be selfish and take care of ourselves first!! …maybe you must move on!!
let it go !
((((HUGS))))
hahahhaaa!!! LOL!! I find very few are actually loyal.
Tough one! No bright ideas from my side.Just wondered – the personality rubs you up the wrong way, but is it actally bad? The betrayal – was it evil or just thoughtless?
Hey Col, it was a bit a bit of both. Some were thoughtless, and the big one was deliberately hurtful. And that’s the one I have a problem with. xxx