I was unsure how to actually write this. In the past or present tense. But decided to write it exactly as I feel or see it, maybe it makes sense to you. Hell, I hope it makes sense, coz’ I need your opinion!
I had this friend – the Career Woman (CW for short) – yonks ago, to read more about her, you can go here
I’ve known her for over 32 years. I considered her one of my BFF. Almost like the sister I never had. Okay, I had a sister, but didn’t know about her until …okay, that’s another story!
She helped me through some really kak times, she clung to our frienship even after I got married and threw all my friends to the dogs. I confided in her, and really trusted her. I thought she had my back as I had hers. Things happened. She betrayed me. I don’t deal well with betrayal of any sort. Also, there were elements in her personality that I found offensive and difficult to stomach any further.
Since that betrayal, it was never the same. I decided to write her off. Cut her from my life. No meaningful contact with her in over 2 years. I didn’t end it directly. Just stopped calling.
She loved my boys. She treated them like they were hers. It was a difficult decision. But I hated who I was when around her.
A few months ago someone (gossipmongers!) phoned me to tell me that she was expecting a baby, did I know about it? Did I know who the father was (CW’s not married)? Yadayadayada. Of course I didn’t. I think that woman knew from my tone of voice she was threading on thin ice!
So she was pregnant. I was astounded, but also very excited for her. She really is a wonderful person. If you ignore the kak personality traits!
Then we met up. By accident. It was quite funny how. I won’t go into that. She told me about her pregnancy and everything else that’s happened with her in the past years. And that she would love to re-connect and pick up the friendship. That was in February.
I am still hesitant. I am not the person she knew anymore. She probably isn’t the same person I knew back then. The personality – well, that’s still more or less the same!!
I don’t want to put myself out there again only to go through the same crap. I know everyone changes, and no-one’s perfect, but your fundamentals stay the same, right? And a kak personality doesn’t go away, right?
She’s had her baby. The most beautiful baby girl (I sleuthed on FB! Lol). Boo asked me when I was going to visit. I couldn’t answer him. I asked him to stop pressuring me!
I realise that this is a mental barrier that I need to breach. I need to decide. Do I really want this or not? It’s not fair blowing hot then cold.
If I do this, do I have to confront the past? Can I not just leave the baggage behind and move on?
Why can’t life just be easy, huh? And why am I over analyzing? AGAIN? lol
Hope you guys have an awesome one!