Uhm, anyone notice that I have time on my hands again? Yip, the project crises is almost over, hence the bombardment of posts….here’s some more antics of dizzying proportions to keep you entertained 😉
So we have plans for the weekend. Ja, I know, I NEVER have plans for the weekend, neh? Well sister dearest phoned to say they (her BIL) got VIP tickets to the Rasta Rebels @ Monte. And we are invited. Whooohooo. We never get VIP tickets ANYWHERE….looking mightily forward to letting my hair down. Alright, not that I ever NOT let my hair down. Last weekend is proof of this…
Which reminded me of the last time we were in the Fourways area – we were out on a girls night a few weeks ago. I was a bit pissed off because 3 of the 5 girls cancelled at the last minute. BF kak. Who the hell cares, don’t you also have a bloody life outside of the bloody relationship? They (those girls) will get it eventually
It ended up just being myself and the PA. Party animals, ja. Never mind the fact that we seldom go out these days (credit crunch you know) but hell, we weren’t going to let dwindling numbers get in our way of a good jol!!
We started at Rhapsody’s where we had a few Mojitos, thereafter PA wanted to go further. I’m like, ok, Capello’s or Cofi sounds good. She’s like – Ja, in Fourways. I’m like, no way that’s too far and we had a few already. She’s like– No don’t be a drip, lets go and then we meet XY there. And I’m like– Well, why can’t she come here?
This went on about 15 minutes or so until I suggested we go to Midrand News Cafe and check out the vibe there. Sharp, so off we went. News was too vibey for her. Where did we go then? – another News in friggin Woodmead!! That was WAYyyyyy to vibey for both of us. Hell there wasn’t even place to friggin accommodate a fly, never mind 3 gorjuss girls like us 😉
PA: Let’s go to Cedar (not sure if that’s right, but anyways) Square. I baulked, that’s too far and I’m not lus anymore. By now it was about 12:00. Dizzy, live a little, don’t be such a wet blanket. HAH. I shouldn’t have fallen for that one, but I did. So off we were to Cedar Square. But I should have listened to my instincts
We hit Witkoppen, and lo and behold what do we find? A blarrie roadblock. Just our fekking luck!!! But the conversation leading up to the roadblock was the funniest
PA: Yoh, tjomma, wat nou? (what now?)
Me: FOK (I think you get this)
PA: TJOMMA, nee man, moenie dit sê nie!!!! (no man, don’t say that!!)
Me: Ok, miskien is dit ‘n accident (maybe it’s just an accident)
PA: (starts shaking now) Light vir ons ‘n ghwai daar (light me a smoke)
I light the smoke. She opens ALL the windows. Like, how is THAT going to help, exactly? Anyways…
PA: Jirrie, tjomma, wat as dit ‘n roadblock is? (what if it is a roadblock?)
Me: Kom ons wag tot ons daar voor kom (let’s wait and see)
PA: êk dink jy moet vir X bel (think you must phone X – her husband)
Me: Nee, fok, ons bel hom eers as ons weet wat gaan de fok aan (no way, we’ll phone once there’s something to phone about)
PA: (really seriously killing that smoke) Fokkit, tjomma, wat gaan ons maak (what we gonna do?)
Me: Dit sal OK wees, moenie worry nie (dunno who I was kidding by saying it’ll be ok?!)
So we get there, and yep, it is indeed a fucking roadblock. Just our fucking luck. The FIRST time we’re out since January, now we’re in trouble!!!
Officer: Evening ma’am. (sniffs the air) Ma’am have you been drinking?
PA: Evening officer, how are you
Officer: I’m well Ma’am, have you been drinking?
PA: (nervous giggle, looking at me as if I should answer. I just kept my trap shut) Yes, but I only had one Hunters (liar, liar pants on fire!!!)
Officer: well Ma’am, one drink and you are over the limit. We will have to take a breathalyzer
PA looks at me with desperation in her eyes. Like, WTF must I do??!!!
I can see how everything is going into lock-down. Brain, eyes, body. And boy, is she shaking!
She gets out and does her thing, but she didn’t do it right the first time. He gets irritated
Officer: Ma’am, pls blow properly. A deep breath. Hold for a few seconds until you hear a ping
PA: (leaning heavily against the car, don’t think her legs could hold her anymore) Ok, sorry officer, I’ve never done this before, you know
I think: Ai, tjomma, don’t get stroppy now. And yep, she was over the limit. But we knew THAT. She’d started lifting the elbow way before I met her that evening….
Officer: We need to take you in
PA: (again, looking at ME as if I can do anything. The desperation in her eyes was palpable) Oh…but…er…sir, can we not …er…
He walks over to the passenger side. Lo and behold, he sees me
Officer: Oh, another one
I think – now what the fuck does THAT mean?
And he walks back to the driver’s side again. It clicked – he wanted a bribe, and she was all too ready to give him one. She looks at me and I just shook my head. She got it…eventually!
PA: Oh, ok then, if we have to….Can I just call my husband?
Officer: (think he realised he’s not going to score some bucks from us) Ag, you know what, Ma’am, I think I will let you off with a warning. But don’t do it again
PA: (again the nervous-hysterical giggle) Sure sure, officer, no problem, thank you thank you SOOOOOO very much, and I promise I’ve learnt my lesson. I won’t do it again!
She got into the car still shivering and shaking and sommer threw the other bottle of savannah out of the car. We hid it be4 we hit the roadblock….;-)
In any case, we made it to Cedar Square, but had no fun coz now we weren’t in the mood anymore. Well I was – hell, was I driving? But in support of my tjom, I maar also didn’t indulge any further. I had an alcohol-free cocktail. I always used to laugh at people who have alcohol-free ANYTHING. I won’t again. I understand now.
‘Struths Bob, we left after 1ish, they were STILL there. She stopped the car and told me to drive. I refused to budge – no WAY was I gonna be breathalyzered. Oh Lekker no!! She was practically hysterical. Some more ghwais later and by the time we got to the front, they just let us through. But for a few seconds, you could hear a pin drop in that car. We even put the radio off. Don’t ask why. I also don’t know why?!
PA: (Looks at me) Sê iets?!! (SAY something!!)
Me: Wat de fok wil jy hê êk moet sê? (WTF do you want me to say?)
PA: Ek weet nie…miskien dat alles gaan OK wees?! (that all will be OK?)
Me: Ek sal nie lieg vir jou nie, tjomma! (Tjom, I wouldn’t lie to you!)
Silence. I’ve never been quiet for more than 5 minutes in PA’s company. She talks. A LOT.
Once we got past THAT hurdle we broke out in hysterics again. Now it was funny. It wasn’t funny 2 minutes ago, neh? Again, we promised each other that we weren’t going to drink & drive again.
And she promptly did the same thing the following weekend. Obviously the experience wasn’t enough to put her off for long, neh?
So for tomorrow night, her husband will be the designated driver – he doesn’t drink at ALL – and we can all have as much or as little as we want. No prob. As for crooked cops, rather not give in to their demands if you can….
Hope you all have a fantastic one. I sure hope I will 😉