I can’t make idle conversation. Never been one of my forte’s
Hence I hate running into old acquaintances at the shopping mall. The ones you never really were friends with at school. The “IN” crowd. Especially if they’ve grown 3 x in size since the last time you saw them. Which might not necessarily be a decade (or two) ago. Not that the passing of a decade gives you the right to grow 3 x in size. Or to not make the effort to at least look like something when you are allowed out of the house. You don’t need to look like a painting every time you go out. But at least make sure the shirt is tucked in, or the sneakers are clean and the hair is brushed. No house slofs allowed.
What do you say to them after a decade or two since last seeing them (and they look like a mountain)?
Me: Hey, nice to see you! How ARE you?
Them: Long time no see, hey. I’m great, how are YOU?
Me: Ag good man, thanks. Fancy meeting you here? Do you live around here?
Them: Not really, we were in the neighbourhood you know. You look good (we know that’s an understatement, I look fabulous of course *winks*)
Me: You too (liar liar, pants on fire Dizzy)
Them: Agge no, I’ve gone so fat (whiney voice)
Me: (Uhuh, right that, I had NOTHING to do with that) No no, you look happy and …Healthy? (urghhh. Hole’s getting deep now). How many children do you have? (asif there’s any correlation between size & the nr of children in the car…….)
Them: None, at all. We haven’t been able to. I’ve had 6 miscarriages…
Me: (shit) Oh sorry to hear…..(and I start panicking looking for an escape)…Aw, sorry, doll, need to run, have an appointment with the dentist (on a SATURDAY? At 13:45?)……Let’s do something (and the hole just gets bigger, coz’ I end up having to actually take a number…)…..
Any advice on how to handle future encounters with better aplomb? Or shall I rather just pretend I never saw them and head to the nearest exit?