The teenager once told me he never kissed a girl. Lies Lies Lies!!! This is what happened.
Playing Spin Master over the weekend – it was my turn, it landed on truth or dare. He opted for truth. B2 goads me “Ask him if he’s French kissed a girl yet” WTFF?? (what the flying fuck?)
So I ask. He says yes. I nearly went through the roof. “Calm down Mummy”
Oooo-kay. “When?” I ask
“One question only Mummy” Pfft.
I was gonna spin and get truth or dare again…..
….I asked him if he’s ever masturbated (left-field, neh?). He said no. Do you really think I can trust him? After the kissing thing? Sheez
After about 20 spins, I finally land on it again. According to the bloody rules, I can’t challenge TA to truth again. This time it was the Tween’s turn. Truth he says. TA chirps “Ask him if he’s ever kissed a girl” I did, with a devilish grin he replies “Of course Mummy” WTTTFFFFFFFFF??!!!! I nearly got a cadenza (heart attack) “When??!!”. He had no qualms about answering “In Preschool” like 6 YEARS ago?!! Me: “Were you playing?” “No, I wanted to kiss her“
“But, you were still in bloody nappies, how could you even know what kissing was?” Ok, I admit, I exaggerate. He was about 5 at the time. And potty trained. And i thought he was yanking my chain. I was wrong.
He didn’t dare answer that he learnt from “us” because we never canoodled in front of them. Until recently. Hulle’s nou groot genoeg om die goed te handle (they’re big enough now, and know all about making honey)
I swear, it’s the bloody Coloured community. They tend to raise their kids in a “no holds barred” manner. Having children kiss each other in pre-school and having boyfriends and girlfriends in primary school is considered “cool”. Having label clothes from the age of 4 is considered cool. Or am I wrong in blaming my (Coloured) community? Does this happen everywhere else? (I expect lots of flack for this)
Not in my friggin’ handbook! There are rules, and limitations (not that it helped much then…) My children know it, there is seldom any discussion about it. Yet we are able to talk about it…some things are open for discussion, you know. Some. Like, they will choose whomever I say they can marry. What they want to study. Agreeable, right? They can have sex when they are thirty. And have children when they are forty. I’m reasonable, no?
I just want them to realise that there will be time for girls and experimenting. Parties never stop. There will always be nightclubs in abundance. Booze (AND our beloved pap-sakke, GC!!) will always be around. And hopefully they never even think of trying drugs.
I made it very clear that I do not want them to have any teenaged commitments and ties to any girls. They need to focus on school now. Oh and tertiary education. They can have girlfriends when they’re done with Varsity. OK, I’m unreasonable. And when pigs fly. But I can try, can’t I?
The TA told me I must stop being so controlling. My hackles rose
“Whaddaya mean I’m controlling”
“Not giving me space, can’t meet with Friends in Menlyn / Kollonade” (he wants me to drop him and fetch him after a few hours)
“No Friggin WAY! Have you heard what teenagers get up to in Menlyn or when left to their own devises even at home? Sommer doing the deed in the toilets and als? Not to mention the alcohol? NO NO NO”
“But MAAAHHAAAAA??! You need to trust me. Don’t you trust me?”
That floored me
“Of course I do…as far as I can throw you!”
He just gave me that disgusted look
“Really Ma, be serious”
I do trust him. I think we can give it a bash. He’s got a sort of a reunion coming up – meeting up with friends from pre-school. I’m thinking we can leave him there, and cruise the mall, catch a movie, when they are ready, we leave.
“No, Ma, you must go home and fetch me at 10:00. After movies”
“Oh lekker No”
“What if something happens? What if one of your friends are being stupid? I wanna know where you are at all times”
“See, you’re controlling”
Even tweenie was begging his case.
I still think it’s too much, too soon. Baby steps. He’s only 14 now. hell I went to my first party when I was bloody 16?!! An old cow already, yah! And I had to be home by 10:00pm? Jissie, who’s controlling?
He needs to first prove that I can trust him on a “night out” so to speak. Then we take it from there. And what about peer pressure? Will he be able to say no when it counts? I believe he can. He’s got strong beliefs. But will he be able to say NO when he wants to impress the girl he likes?
All the parents of teenagers out there – how did you handle all this hormones and stuff?