… a little bit of this, that and a lot more

So yesterday I felt very sorry for myself. I nogals much enjoyed the feeling. I seldom wallow, so I really take it to the extremes when I do.

Before I posted yesterday, I spoke to my cousin – I woke up with her on my mind, and it hit me about her daughter – so I just had to call her. And she was so calm, serene, accepting. And I was questioning. Eventually she says to me (about questioning God) “Faith is not about just believing in God. But believing that what happens does have a purpose. And to accept that there is a purpose, even if you don’t see it or understand it at that point (now). It will be revealed”… Yah, neh? “When?”, I asked. “Be patient” she says to me. It’s been six years. When will this big reveal happen?

Sjoh. That was too much for me. What she was actually saying “Stop pitying yourself, move on, be strong, you’ve got so much to live for. Yes, you don’t understand now, but do you really need to understand? She lived a full life” That was also too much. My Ma was only (almost) 63 when she passed. Way too young in my books.

Cousin wasn’t making any sense. I think she needs help …..*winks*….I said that to myself, coz’ it made me feel better 😉

So I called my other cousin. She understood – she lost her Mom & brother in the accident 13 Feb. We bawled our eyes out together. And supported each other. The mutual pity party did wonders (i.e life sucks, it’s not fair, we don’t deserve this, I’m so lost, no-one understands me, and so on and so forth). When we were done, we burst out laughing, realising how ridiculous we were. But we also know that it comes and goes in phases. For the most part, we are OK. We are dealing with it. But sometimes it just gets a bit much. Then we just need someone who understands. Someone we can call when we don’t want a voice of reason. When we just want to wallow. That’s what it is. A lekker pity party. I felt much better afterwards.

My children also helped. I got home and both of them could see I was “off”. I asked them just to love me. And for once, they did just that, no questions asked. Even the TA came to me and just held me. Just gave lots of love. BooBoo was oblivious. But I guess he’s got his own problems. I don’t think men grieve as we do. They are very private. I need to get one of those sensory-mood-detectors to know when he’s happy, sad, angry. He’s only got one expression. Bland.

But beware, there will probably be more such outbursts. Unless I can contain myself. I will try. For your sakes….

Have a super day everybody

xxx

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Comments on: "Pity Party on Hold" (25)

  1. granny47 said:

    That is all part of the process…you will get there.Big Hug.

  2. kat64 said:

    This is the perfect forum for exactly how you feel, one day to the next…One minute to the next…Here, have a big hug!*HUG*

  3. Janete said:

    BIg HUG 😉

  4. Killakat said:

    You too Grannyxx

  5. Killakat said:

    And here’s one for you too (((HUGS)))I do sometimes feel bad about subjecting others to my moodswings. Sometimes ;-))

  6. Killakat said:

    And here’s BEEG one for you too (((HUGS)))

  7. Same shit different day said:

    We luv ya Dizzy – big hug to you and bring on the outbursts, the psych people say it’s cathartic 🙂

  8. Sundancer said:

    Hugs dizzy. Lots and lots of them…

  9. Killakat said:

    Just don’t chase me away when you get gatvol of it all!!! ;-))

  10. Killakat said:

    ((((HUGS))) to you too.Man is (again) top of the league 😉

  11. Bek n Call Girl said:

    Hey Dizzy, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze really really really tight… DIY hug from me to you xxx

  12. Killakat said:

    I’ve been to see the sangoma….we’re sorted :-))

  13. Killakat said:

    XXX

  14. Killakat said:

    Aw, Thanks ElizaBeeg one to you too ;-))xxxx

  15. Killakat said:

    Sharp. Whatcha betting? Make it good. Me, I likes Johnny Black…..I’ll go easy on your pockets 🙂

  16. bronwyntivers said:

    Hey Diz,I’m so sorry I missed you yesterday!! It’s a terrible tragedy…whether there’s a ‘grand scheme of things’ plan involved or not!! I’m glad you’re feeling somewhat better, though…Have a good one 🙂

  17. karpet said:

    PIty Parties are the best – especially when it is with a friend who really ‘gets’ you and allows you to indulge and talk rot for about a zillion hours and THEN only tells you to catch a wake-up!!

  18. davidsdance said:

    Your cous is right you know. Acceptance is the biggest gift, the bloody well toughest and hardest and most frustrating, but neverthe less the biggest gift and once you have embraced that gift, it does become easier!!! BIG HUGS!!

  19. Killakat said:

    You know, Miss C, you might have a point there. And I have to bow to anyone who has lost so much more than me…Lotsa big big HUGS to you…xxx

  20. Killakat said:

    Thanks BronnieAppreciated. Always

  21. Darkchocolate said:

    *hug and kisses* do enjoy the pity party . it is soetimes very necessary for the healing

  22. hutton said:

    Good to purge the emotions once in a while 😉

  23. borrel said:

    well its good to cry and release pent up emotions, maar mans mense en hulle I am fine gesigte maak my net mal

  24. shaynix said:

    (hugs)

  25. foot loose said:

    Dizzy, I love this post. (and just read yours on mine). To say how you are feeling, and get back response – saying – yeah. It truly wonderful. 😉

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