This blog was inspired by MissChris….it’s something that we all ponder about and are frequently perplexed by……this is my take on it….it is a rather long post…proceed at your peril….
Two people get married / commit to each other – please don’t limit this to marriage, this affects all relationships – thinking that they’ve both found THAT person, he’s going to make her happy. She completes him. He is everything she ever wanted in a man. He thinks she’s just wonderful, beautiful, sexy, nurturing (OK this just happens in the movies, but you get my drift…!)
But then the abuse starts, or he/she starts knocking around, or he’s/she’s just an absent husband/father/wife/mother, whatever. There’s just nothing to go home to. Soon you have nothing to say to each other. You realize that you are living a sham. Whatever was there before is gone. Dead. “Let’s have a wake, shall we?”
What do you do? Do you try again? Do you re-commit? Can you go back? DO you want to go back?
Where to from here?
When do you decide/know enough is enough??
When do you make a decision on whether to walk or stay?
How do you get to that decision?
Will it be the right decision?
What about your kids – if you have any?
What are your friends and family going to say?
Will you still have friends left after this?
Is love enough reason to stay in the marriage / partnership?
Does a successful relationship take more than just love?
Is it fair to expect someone to make you happy?
Can another person make you happy?
Should you even care about anyone else but yourself? (kids grow up, they deal with what’s been handed to them)
No one knows the answers to this. Except you. Yet you also don’t know how it’s going to work out at the point when you make whatever choice it is you believe you should make. You don’t know whether it’s the right one or not. Just that you have to make one or else go mad with wondering – what if…?
We are human, we are fickle, we are imperfect. We make (many) mistakes in our lifetime. We always want more/better than what’s within reach at the time…that doggie in the window always looks cuter than the one at home…we are never satisfied with what we have until we are threatened with its loss.
We all get married or commit to a relationship, thinking that this is going to be forever. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. It’s hell when you wake up and realize that it’s a failure. And you start questioning yourself…that’s the worst….But …. should you question yourself? Is it fair that the other party goes whoring around or abusing you, then have the gall to make you question your very being? I don’t think so….
Or you wake up and smell the roses….you realize that what you have is better than what’s out there…you actually want to be with that person….or is it fear of the unknown?…..
At this point you (or other party) will do whatever you can / within your power to hold on to that precious thing you now realize you have. Can we realize it sooner and not take it for granted? Probably not. Because we are too selfish to see beyond the here and now….
Maybe this is where psychic’s come in – they can probably alert you to future events, then you can take action against those events happening. Basically change the course of your fate / destiny. If you believe in it. Psychics that is. But that’s just another can of worms, isn’t it….knowing what lies ahead for you…nahuh….I’ll take my chances with the unknown….but back to the story…
Indeed, there are some guarantees in life – that you will die. How you will die…well, that’s the surprise. Your heart will be broken. You will be disappointed. As for the rest. We wing it. Literally. Why do I say so? What works for you does not work for someone else. And the same vice versa. You make your decisions based on what you know at the time (someone mentioned climbing the mountain when you get to it?). You have to trust your gut. You can’t ever take anyone’s advice verbatim. You use a little here. And a bit there. Combine it together, and you may have a solution that works. For YOU. Not for Arthur or Martha. For YOU.
If you are not sure which way to go, take the chance on trying again. I guess this is where love
comes in – do you love him / her enough to give them a 2nd , 3rd maybe even a 5th chance? Can you actually stomach being with him / her today. Can you see yourself sleeping with him/her tonight? If not tonight ….in a few days…once you’ve worked through all the issues? If you can see yourself getting over that utter resentment when you look at the person…maybe there’s hope for your relationship…if not….
Which brings me to another point – NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. YOU make yourself happy. If you have hang-ups or insecurities of your own, no one can make that go away. You decide what you want, who you want to be, and go for it. Once you’ve reached that point, I think any decision / situation becomes easier to manage. Because part of knowing who your are is that you do not compromise your standards anymore. You do what you have to to make things work – but it’s on your terms. Does it sound selfish? Maybe. But we are all selfish. We can’t please everyone. You can’t make everyone happy (not that I think you should anyway). But your happiness starts with you.
Back to whether you stay or go….you need to really think hard and carefully…. Once you’ve made that commitment, there is no turning back. No recriminations, no more dwelling in the past. Move forward. Whatever decision it is you’ve made…you have to move on…make peace with it…if you can’t then it’s no use…..Make sure that you have exhausted all your options. If it still doesn’t work out, you can look back knowing you’ve tried…REALLY REALLY TRIED…. then you can move on. NO REGRETS.
And anyways, that doggie looks nicer than ours at home because it’s been specially groomed and pampered just so you can fall in love with it and buy it. Once it gets home, it will probably evolve into a right little gremlin….which you probably can’t return anyways, so you’re stuck with it, unless you can give it away!
Can you return a wayward husband/wife to his/her mother? I wish we could. Just think – “Keep tag, if not satisfied with your purchase / guarantee / performance, you can return it (with tag intact) within 5 years. No questions asked. If a suitable replacement is in stock, we will replace it at no extra cost”.
Have a fab day all