… a little bit of this, that and a lot more

Sjoh guys, I’m sorry to do this to you on a friday….but i’ve got lots and lots to share today….enjoy when you’re very very bored….and yes, these ARE TRUE events….no jokes…..

Part 2 – My Family vs. Your Family

We were supposed to go to husband’s departed person’s service last night, ended leaving jome late coz tjommie came begging for a red top – I hate lending out my clothes…really I do, but I couldn’t say I don’t have one, she knows I got a few….

So before we leave, we discuss our contribution towards his family’s funeral expenses. We normally give x, he sommer wants to give xx (once again, English commentary in brackets….)

Me: Ek dog ons is in ‘n recession (we don’t have money lying around)
Him: Yah, maar ons gee altyd soveel (we always give that much)
Me: Nee, ons gee net soveel (we don’t)
Him: (with attitude) Yah, orraait, los dit dan (then just leave it! Keep your money – *pls note its MY money*)
Me: (shock, horror) Is dit nou nodig, hoekom is jy nou snaaks (what the hell, don’t be an idjut!)
Him: Yah, jy wil altyd met my family stingy wees, maar met joune gee jy die wereld (you treat my family differently)
Me: Jy jok nou, dis andersom (it’s not true, you do that)
Him: Yah, los dit net !!!!! (just leave it)
Me: Sharp

So off we go, but now we’re both dikbek (ok, I am dikbek). Get there and the bugger can’t find parking, we took a ompad (long road to Ibitha) – as in went to PTA CBD and back again – before he got parking. At this stage I have lockjaw.

The people were praying, so I hang around, waiting outside for them to finish, the blerrie spouse asks me why I’m standing there, let’s go in. I just gave him a look – “while they are praying?!” he grabs my hand, we walk in rudely and sit

Because my equilibrium was off, I just didn’t get the feel of the sermon / service at all. I’m sitting there thinking “people who can’t speak English properly should not lead services; people who can’t sing mustn’t do so at the top of their voices; people who can’t read with a proper accent and enunciate properly mustn’t; what am I gonna blog about tomorrow…..” you get the gist. Bad person.

Afterwards I of course felt bad….very bad…but very briefly…. I promptly starting criticizing them for saying things like “she’s going to heaven, she made right with her Maker, she led a lovely life, etc” and I’m thinking “How on earth do you know? Did she confess to you? Did you really know her that well? Was she really leading a Christian life?” It just all sounded so clichéd

My point is – we don’t know, Faith is something personal, between yourself and God …do we really know what people are like deep inside, and what their relationship is with God? All we see is what people want us to see…. I felt like a bad Christian. I asked for forgiveness. Think I need to fast and stay on my knees for a few days…

Spouse and I didn’t talk for the rest of the evening….

Part 3 – Liewe Heksie

Wake up at crack of dawn to prepare lunch – Fridays are my turn. Now, I have told you guys before I’m not a morning person…

Spouse walks in after about 06:00, I just grunted a g’morning and carried on…..

Him: Ek gaan jou ‘n nuwe besem koop…. (gonna buy you a new broom)
Me: Hoekom? Maar ek het twee besems (i’ve got two)
Him: …’n turbo-charged een sodat jy vinniger kan rondvlieg (a turbocharged one so I can fly faster….)

*whooo … you got some balls this morning, ne?*

Me: silent….just give him the evil eye….he slinks back into the bedroom…while I continue fuming

Children: ma daddy’s late, we’re gonna be late…..
Him: Yah, someone didn’t wake me
Me: (innocently) who?
Him: Oh, I dunno, not you…definitely not you….
Me: Of course not, you’re a big boy, surely you can set your alarm….

He looks at me, can see he still wants to argue, but after some consideration abandons the topic….good idea, mister *cackle cackle*

The children starts harassing me…I’m in the toilet, for goodness sakes!!! ….. Baby 2 comes and asks me to re-do his laces for him…and promptly hands the shoes over without giving me a chance to say…meow….

Done with that…TA comes and asks where’s his Polo T shirt….well you have 3, what the hell…?? No the one with the light blue…and….the ….pocket….

Me: (yelling) wear another one
TA: No I wanna wear that one
Me: Now waddaya want me to do, get up and come look for it?
TA: Yah please…
Me: *….fume…fume…swear…swear* (to myself) I’m in the TOILET!
TA: Uh, Ok, why didn’t you say so?!


Later in the shower (must start locking bedroom door)

TA: Mummy, how do I fasten this belt
Me: You loop it though that megafta’s then loop it round that one…then pull it tight….
TA: WHAT?!! I don’ understand….
Me: Pffftttttt!!! Growl….
TA: Oh, Ok…I’ll wait for you
Me: ASK YOUR FATHER TO HELP YOU!!! (now I seriously sound like Liewe Heksie)
Me: (yelling) Spouse, waar’s jy, moet ek altyd ALLES doen?! Julle is almal useless!! (spouse, get your ass over here and blerrie well help! You’re all useless!)
TA: Mummy, now that wasn’t necessary….
Me: give him a one-eyed-look…and he scuttles out

Baby 2 comes in (I’m still in shower) “Mummy does this shirt look nice??”

In-between rinsing the shampoo from my hair & eyes, am I supposed to give you fashion tips…?! JISSIEEEEEEE

Me: Can you wait until I’m done?
B2: But mummy, surely you can just check quickly?!
Me: *sigh* OK, no, I don’t like that shirt, try on the blue one with the piping on the sleeves

B2: But I like this one…
Me: (start counting…LOUDLY)….. 1….2…..3……4…….5…..

After counting to 5 he realized its best to get outta there…FAST

After that it was a whirlwind of hair and looking for the gel and spraying and deodorant and als….and mum needs to make sure everything looks just right…. I could take back control of MY bedroom and finish for work only after they left…PUHLEEZE can we stop the Civvies days??? Pretty please??

And they say GIRLS are bad with mirrors…..I beg to differ!

Keep your eyes peeled, there’s a number 4 on it’s way …. (sorry Spy, couldn’t resist….)



Comments on: "Verbal Diarrhea # 2 & 3…. :-))" (5)

  1. bronwyntivers said:

    Oi, what a day!!! My head hurts after reading this!!! LOL

  2. davidsdance said:

    Oh Dizzy – you just made my day – hurry with 4 please – ek het vragtig lank laas so lekker gelag!! Veral daardie turbo charged besem storie – ek sweer ek sou vir hom gese het “bring sodat ek dit kan indruk net waar dit perfek sal pas” Thank you for the laugh – brilliant!!

  3. Shanalee said:

    I am so glad to hear that my house is quite normal – I thought I was the only one with total chaos in the morning. My kids also ask me to do everything and ignore hubby.

  4. Ashleigh_Rose said:

    LMAO!!! You describe everything so beautifully. Shame man – now I can see why you’re not a morning person. You can’t even use the loo or shower in peace! 😉

  5. Killakat said:

    Lilibee – normally it’s quite normal, but this morning… total friggin madhouse I tell you!!Ambi – I mean really!!MC – Nr 4 is a bit sad….that’s why I’m leaving it for last…Bronwyn – ai uh uh – that one you posted earlier…still trying to figure it out!! :o))

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