I was bored, so thought I’d do a running commentary on the “Eating tips for bikini season.” article on News24 website.
1. Say no to junk food. Exchange snacks such as chips, choccies and sweets for carrot sticks, cucumber and celery. – i’m already finding it k*k difficult just getting up in the morning? Am I really going to substitute my comfort food for rabbit sticks? Don’t think so
2. Liquid detox: cut down on alcohol, fizzy drinks, fruit juices, tea and coffee (too much sugar is bad for you). Instead, drink at least 1 litre of water a day. – WHAT??!!! Alcohol is water based, so I can have more of that, cut down on the tea & coffee, leave the fizzy drinks and I’ll be just fine
3. Exchange refined carbohydrates such as rusks, white bread and rolls for brown bread, wholegrains and bran. If you increase your natural intake fibre you will boost your metabolism. – I can just as well lie down and roll over….
4. Don’t eat any carbohydrates after 6 pm – it will leave you feeling bloated and uncomfortable. – As opposed to going to bed sated and happy??
5. Replace red meat with lean meat such as chicken and fish. – if you can catch them, you mean ?? (Apparently we are running out of chickens AND condoms … methinks the fish are also getting outta here)
6. Eat smaller portions of food more frequently instead of three large meals a day. – now THIS I can live with (eating the whole day, i.s.o. only three times a day!)
7. Eat your mouthfuls slowly; chew your food 50 times before you swallow. By the time you have eaten half your meal, you will be full. (And your jaw would have gotten some exercise too.) –— # 1 – who counts how many times they chew their food???? # 2 – I can think of better ways of exercising my jaw :o))
8. Don’t eat a lot of salt; it makes your body retain water and you will end up feeling bloated. – err… that went outta the window with nrs 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5!!!
9. Exercise, exercise, exercise; you need to be doing at least 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training 3 times a week. You don’t need a gym membership – go for walks and swim instead of just laying on the beach. – Hubby, where are you?!!!!
10. Use this dieting spell from The Good Spell Book —- who the f*ck has time for this???? ……
“Take a piece of cake, cookie or whatever you are craving, bury it in a pot or in the garden, plant three cloves of garlic on top. The cloves will supposedly cleanse you of all your cravings by the time the garlic has grown.” ….. I rest my case ?
(There is no money back guarantee on this one.) You betcha there isn’t
Hope you guys can use these tips, I’m gonna have choccie & chips now (with my coke zero on the side..haha :o))